what is shyness? why are people shy? why am I shy?
It doesn't appear to be a characteristic of one's self anymore.
A sickness, perhaps. Maybe a remedy for arrogance.
Most people know me not to have ever been shy
But that's because those people know me.
A new surrounding makes me queasy,
and uncomfortable. I choose not to ask for something I need
It is the endless need for the human impossibility of an infinite and constant acceptance.
I'm generalizing to much, as I know,
first hand, that I like feeling excepted and cast out.
.... sometimes

Perhaps this happens because we enjoy solving problems
like this. A way of learning how to adapt to all kinds of things.
Or just mental busy work.
I realize now that there is a whole different side to this
Not conforming, or being purposefully radical: just because: 
Appears educational.

I use the word "appears" for a reason.
We hardly know when we will learn. Or if we are learning.
The simplest explanation is that we are learning 
all of the time. even in our sleep.
what if overtime we learn, we only give in, 
and fool ourselves into the acceptance of 
the rest of the world's popular and always wrong opinion.

A popular idea, is never a legitimate one,
But this is not to say that the least popular idea
has any truth behind it, or any future.

finding out that I had learned something
Neglects the topic all together
Just a "check" and "that's that"
If I kept on doing this
I would have built up a tolerance
For learning things that were strictly taught, and provided.
It would have dulled my curiosity, and I know for sure,
I would not be writing this .

I feel that, in a way, I need to write what I think,
as I will never think about it again.
Sure, there is a limited "instant replay" button
But I watch (never knew how to spell a lot of things)
too many channels at the same time, so to speak
and my vcr always breaks, or records one channel

How do you like my TV analogy? yea, I know I should quit it.
Hell, TV is a drug. I have a need for it. it relaxes my mind.
"I saw the best minds of my generations..." And now, I am trying to imitate
I strive to write what they wrote about.
I shall begin writing my version of Burroughs's "Junky"
Including references to "Howl" seems disrespectful... even to myself
I'll allow myself to degrade my 'viewers' (that's you)
I am sorry....and to my "Graybeard"....and it's better to make sure they know

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